It's all about faith

I am born a Hindu. I practise it to the best I know how and I never bother about what people say about improving what I do or how I do certain things. I believe that we should fear some power greater than all of us. As a Hindu, I am not subjected to believe in only one Almighty god but there are versions of how we choose to see God.

There are times I honestly doubt if there is a God. After all, religion is man-made. I sometimes wonder if God has the time listening to me. I dont really ask for much.
But how much is too much? I'm not greedy and ask for money. I'm not vain and pray for God to help me lose the fat bum I have. I'm not impatient and ask for God to give me a promotion. All I ask every morning is to have a good day. I suppose that encompasses everything. From having enough money in my purse to last me the day, to keep me energetic and happy in the office, right up to having my bosses kept away at meetings that they dont bother walking around.. I suppose that sums up a good day for me. I do not get it everyday. I cant really blame God for that now, can I?
Anyway seriously, as a dumb mortal, I expect God to read my mind and know my deep desires. Its not so much as running to do your prayers diligently and performing rituals that you dont even know what its for.. but its more giving yourself completely to God and allow things to happen as it should happen. But I'm impatient, if I dont see the results, I get dissappointed and blame God and say that God doesnt like me. I feel like I didn't do enough. I'm dissatisfied that I have to let go of things when I feel that I deserve it. After I did work for it. So what do I do? I stay away from my prayers, feel resentful about the whole thing and after sometime, try to see the positive side of the outcome and finally accept it.

Seeing things that are happening around today, my prayers are selfish and there is a revelation that there are people who are suffering heaps more than I am. There are people in need of Gods attention and my suffering is minuscule as compared to some people. There are people praying for loved ones, people praying for freedom and people praying to survive. And there I am, praying about beating the traffic jam after work. Pathetic huh?

As how a famous actor put it ," What you rightfully deserve, will definately be yours, what you are not supposed to get, will never be yours. "(Thats the best translation I could do, okay?)

I'm not a saint. I do bad stuff too. So I am going to allow God to take the wheel for me and I'll go (maybe a little reluctantly) where I'm taken. I can only hope that the journey is not too rough.

When schnecken beckons..

It has always been one of my dreams to visit India. I got a chance to finally set foot there for my brother's wedding. It was the final journey that we as a family of 5 made. It was more of a bittersweet journey because not only we were going towards the next stage in our lives where spouses, children and then grandchildren are going to make the family grow, but it was the fact that I cannot have my brother to myself anymore. It will now always be Harry and Gauri.. hmm..

Oh well.. I was sick throughout the journey. It sucked big time because India is a food haven and all I could do was to eat cautiously and usually passed on my plate to the other willing eaters.. what an absolute waste.. the little I ate was heavenly.. the wedding ceremonies were long and tiring, not to mention that my mom, sister and I had to change into 3 sarees each.. but it all ended beautifully.. and my brother is finally hitched! Of course my brother's buddy @ Mr Fly was a bigger pain in the butt that he didn't know his place and was not considerate at all to the rest of us.. but the point is.. my brother was happy with the whole thing.. I am happy that my brother will be able to give his heart completely to a person now..

I am also grateful that I got a chance to be with my siblings and talk openly about so many things... I am glad that I met a lot of nice people, my personal favourites, Subash mama & Latha Mausi.. and I have to add that Datta, our assigned driver, was okay too.. It was also funny that I had to be the one communicating to the driver in my broken Hindi...(not to mention that he actually understood what I said)...
In the few days I was there, I saw and experienced some crazy things in India... Like how the poor are really poor and how beggars can be a little nasty.. I saw how people can be vegetarians so easily there because of the wide varieties in vegetables and legumes.. I saw an elephant in the middle of the road.. I saw how people are so comfortable walking in the rain like as though it was clear morning..like how electricity in the hotel room alternated between the tv and the air condition..hahaha... and the list can go on...

I will return to India.. check out other places this time... it was great while it lasted and I have wonderful memories to share and laugh about... I do wish the best for the new couple and to my nutty family.. it was great being together and I love you guys...

Bubbles, Buttercup and Blossom

When I first joined the company, I met Smurfette. I got close to her and whatever from happy things to sad things, I shared with her. I was close in the sense of hanging out for lunch and basically chatting whenever possible. Others soon joined in and the group became bigger and it was fun going out in big groups for lunch.

Lara Croft joined in and the group was complete. Lara and I got close as we confide (touch wood! till today) in each other about so many things.. probably because we share similar backgrounds and wavelengths. The Toad was part of the group and in the beginning, it was all fine. He and I were even close enough to play computer games during our break.

Smurfette, Lara and I spent time chatting from the ladies to the pantry right until we reach our car and called ourselves the Powerpuff Girls.. @ Bubbles, Buttercup and Blossom..

It all changed when the Toad caused enough havoc and Smurfette had to make a choice and she chose the Toad over me. I dont really blame her as she was put in the middle but I do blame her for cutting me out completely. We only have limited conversations now and sometimes, forced jokes. Its sad because she was a dear friend and now, I am even doubting if I will go for her wedding. The real culprit is sitting quietly behind checking out his warts obviously enjoying the damage he has caused between Smurfette and me.

Now it's just Ms Croft and me.. oh well.. a toast to the Powerpuff Girls.. something I just have to leave behind in the past.

It has always been you..

I've always been one who wanted to get married. I think I have also fantasied about how the whole thing should be in my teens. I have joked with my father about eloping somewhere and informing the family from a phone booth. I wanted to grow up fast so badly that I was counting the days that I'll be in my mid-twenties.

Now that I AM in my mid-twenties, I have other things that strike me as more important like my work and making money. Love has taken a back seat for me and although is important, it's more finding the right person who can complete you. Like how Tom Cruise confessed his love in Jerry Macguire (in a constipated way, I have to add), finding someone who completes you is the ultimate challenge. Many waste away finding them all their lives and some, don't see them until it's too late. I have met mine but that is in the unknown zone.. :(

Coming back to my original idea, my friends have been getting married recently. I attended a wedding dinner of my uni mate and the feeling was overwhelming. I am happy that she found her soulmate but the fact that things will not be the same anymore is what I felt. It will no longer be Melissa.. it will be always Alvin and Melissa.. hmm..

Of course when you're in the function, you see people gushing over the couple, you too would wish the same.. you get a heavy feeling in the chest area... maybe even tear up... a little...just have to let it sink in and settle...
In the end, I just sat there quiet for a moment and let it all sink in... it is a joyous thing to find your other half... and instead of feeling sorry and bitter and negative.. the whole occasion is something to celebrate about... i do wish the best for them as Melissa is a dear friend of mine...

Que sera sera... whatever will be.. will be... the future's not ours to see... Que sera sera...

Black balloons

Today is one of my bad days.. I'm grumpy, tired and impatient. Basically a bitch today.

I was fine yesterday when I slept but I think I was restless because I was worrying about my packing for the trip. I was fussing away because of my limited outfits and I didn't want to look fat and even tried on my swimming suit. Twice. I was paranoid about how I looked because I haven't worn one in years.

Came to the office and all day I could hear about nothing else but the trip. I suppose everyone is excited but after having a sleepless night, that was the last thing I wanted to hear. Such a wet-blanket I am. Then comes in the piles of work which I have to finish by today and all that is in my mind is my unfinished packing and snoozing. ZzzZzzz...

There are a lot of back-stabbing going around which I usually ignore but today, these wannabee corporate climbers are getting on my nerves. They are the petty things like getting invited to ride along in the managers car while you're stuck with Darth Vader. It's like how you kill yourself by finishing up all your work and keeping to the plan of increasing efficiency and all that.. but the ones who do get noticed by the heads are the ones who can crack a porno joke and prance around the office.. Oh yes.. I have turned into the green-eyed monster but I dont show it.. I keep it all inside...

Anyway... life has to go on.. I'm going to forget all the unpleasantness around me for a while and look forward to enjoying my trip to Sabah... clean beaches, fresh air and sunshine, expensive paid-for hotel.. Land Below the Wind, here I come!!

Rise Lord Vader...

There is someone I see everyday who strikes me as Darth Vader. I dont go too close to him as he can be brutal to brush people off without thinking. I got zapped a few times and although I never forgot it, I have to keep my cool and continue working. There can be times when I feel like wringing his neck with my bare hands because is able to push me to the limit. And at the same time, he can be really helpful and "nice" to my occasional panic-attacks.

Darth Vader is severely misunderstood until the 3rd episode and only after that, people actually felt sorry for him. I dont feel sorry for the Darth Vader I see at work, but I have to understand that its his nature of work and the pressure he gets from everyone to perform, that makes him that way. That's when my hands get itchy. When he is in his "nice" mood , he can be amusing and sweet. Oh well.. shit happens..

In conclusion, like most Star Wars fans, this Darth Vader also belongs to the dark side but he still has a heart. Somewhere.

Abigail, Emilia and Uncle Waldo

There are 3 of us in the house. Each of us have our own space in the house and we rule certain departments at home. There are times when we can get on each others nerves so much and wish they would disappear and will show our butts at each other for a few days and eventually, will settle it by simply ignoring that unpleasantness even took place.

Uncle Waldo is a person who is very particular about things. Like, how things should go according to his plans and any interruptions will face his wrath. He is a person who hates wasting away his weekend by hanging out at home and chillin. For company, he likes to drag us with him. I understand his intention of spending time together but he can prove to be a pain at times. He can be sweet and splurges stuff on us and since he enjoys good food (which can be extremely pricey), hey we get to enjoy it too. He has his set of ideas and since he has only mixed with a certain group of people who believe that women are too outspoken for their own good nowadays, he occasionally says the most insane things that can drive both my sister and I mad. He's had his share of love stories and for some brotherly reasons, he tends to be too protective when it comes to us. I suppose its okay and he's just looking out for us but nevertheless, he does have a unique ability to push me over the edge. After all, brothers will be brothers.

Emilia is another person who is particular about her belongings. I had to learn it the hard way when I was with her in Oz. She has her moods and she enjoys her privacy. She has funny reading materials which can range from serious stuff to classics to Harry Potter series right down to the Doraemon comics. I have to say that it's because of her crazy comic collection, my whole family enjoys it. She can be very upfront with people and this doesnt settle well with them. There are times when my brother and I feel that she's the favourite because my father takes in her opinions over ours. She is always ready to lend a shoulder to cry on and a sympathetic ear and thats what makes her special.

And me, I'm just an old fashioned gal who wants what most girls want. I dont really ask for much and I cant differentiate between branded goods and fake stuff. I enjoy simple things. A little romance, a comfortable life and peace of mind..

In the end, I love both of them dearly and want the best for them. We can only hope that whoever comes into our lives later, we will be still close and will be able to share laughs in the future.