It's all about faith

I am born a Hindu. I practise it to the best I know how and I never bother about what people say about improving what I do or how I do certain things. I believe that we should fear some power greater than all of us. As a Hindu, I am not subjected to believe in only one Almighty god but there are versions of how we choose to see God.

There are times I honestly doubt if there is a God. After all, religion is man-made. I sometimes wonder if God has the time listening to me. I dont really ask for much.
But how much is too much? I'm not greedy and ask for money. I'm not vain and pray for God to help me lose the fat bum I have. I'm not impatient and ask for God to give me a promotion. All I ask every morning is to have a good day. I suppose that encompasses everything. From having enough money in my purse to last me the day, to keep me energetic and happy in the office, right up to having my bosses kept away at meetings that they dont bother walking around.. I suppose that sums up a good day for me. I do not get it everyday. I cant really blame God for that now, can I?
Anyway seriously, as a dumb mortal, I expect God to read my mind and know my deep desires. Its not so much as running to do your prayers diligently and performing rituals that you dont even know what its for.. but its more giving yourself completely to God and allow things to happen as it should happen. But I'm impatient, if I dont see the results, I get dissappointed and blame God and say that God doesnt like me. I feel like I didn't do enough. I'm dissatisfied that I have to let go of things when I feel that I deserve it. After I did work for it. So what do I do? I stay away from my prayers, feel resentful about the whole thing and after sometime, try to see the positive side of the outcome and finally accept it.

Seeing things that are happening around today, my prayers are selfish and there is a revelation that there are people who are suffering heaps more than I am. There are people in need of Gods attention and my suffering is minuscule as compared to some people. There are people praying for loved ones, people praying for freedom and people praying to survive. And there I am, praying about beating the traffic jam after work. Pathetic huh?

As how a famous actor put it ," What you rightfully deserve, will definately be yours, what you are not supposed to get, will never be yours. "(Thats the best translation I could do, okay?)

I'm not a saint. I do bad stuff too. So I am going to allow God to take the wheel for me and I'll go (maybe a little reluctantly) where I'm taken. I can only hope that the journey is not too rough.